Lost in Translation

Today while I was volunteering at the local after school program for d/Deaf and Hard of Hearing students I learned that the sign I had been using for "Germany"is the German Sign Language (Deutsche  Gebärdensprache, DGS) for "Deutschland."  In American Sign Language (ASL) a very similar sign  means "horny."  All day today the adult volunteers and staff  were teasing me because I had warned everyone that I would be away from the program for awhile because "I was going horny."

Oh the joys of learning new languages!  :)  Have I mentioned how much I love my research?  

"It's Everybody's Music" (D-PAN)

D-PAN: Deaf Professional Artists Network.  

The Research Labyrinth

This past weekend I was a part of a group of graduate students invited to talk about the research process with a group of sociology honors students.  Blake Sisk, Ebony Duncan, and I rolled up to Garland Hall at 7pm on a Sunday ready to share our triumphs and pitfalls in research... and even more ready to eat the free meal we were promised for our participation.  I have come to relish in any opportunity to talk about my work (and to be rewarded with a free meal).  As scary as it is to present a half baked research idea for the first time, I've done it so many times now that it has actually become one of my favorite parts of research.  I'm used to talking about my research with faculty and graduate students both in sociology and interdisciplinary settings (each is a totally different experience).  I will also soon have the opportunity to present in front of a community of Deaf scholars and those conducting social research on the d/Deaf community at the upcoming Deaf World/Hearing World conference in Berlin.  But this weekend was the first time I was able to talk about my research on music and Deaf Culture with a group of undergraduates.  It's an entirely different game.  And to be fair, this was really more a discussion of research process. Regardless, I found it to be incredibly informative and rewarding.  I left with a few new ideas, theories, and concepts to investigate which directly relate to the research I'm conducting.  But I also left with, hands-down, the best metaphor to describe the research process ever stated. 

In a discussion connected to finding the best literature to ground your research while also being creatively open to theories and research in other fields,  Ebony shared an eye-opening and reaffirming metaphor about the research process.  (Paraphrasing here...) "Research is like a labyrinth.  Sometimes you feel like you are walking away from the center, but you must walk away in order to come back around to it." Genius.  Research is messy.  Sometimes you find yourself asking, "Why I am reading this study of the experience of coming out as gay?"  But it is in those moments that you are walking away from the core of your project that you discover Crip Theory--a fusion of queer theory and disability theory, which gives you a creative new hold on your research question. Research is a labyrinth. 

This is a reminder to myself, and other scholars out there in the blog world, for those moments when you feel like you are walking away from the core, remember that this is just part of the journey. 

And, as a reminder for times like today where I feel like I'm headed in the right direction...there will be another turn ahead.

Image taken from: http://www.samweller.net/wordpress/?p=191

(a podcast using the metaphor of a labyrinth to describe the writing process can be found here too.)

 

Re-centering Normal

I thought today's anthem was going to be The Carpenter's "Rainy Days and Mondays."  It started, like every Monday starts: "talking to myself and feeling old." No wait, that's the song lyrics...

But I did wake up with a sense of melancholy.  I wasn't fully prepared to teach my 12:00 lecture when the morning alarm went off...or when the second alarm went off.  I struggled to find the energy to finish my lecture on the sociology of the body for the 101 class I was teaching today.  While teaching about re-centering normal and the social consequences of stigma is an interesting topic for me,  I couldn't gather the energy required to transmit my passion in a 101 lecture.  This lackluster response to the task at hand was somewhat expected because, in general, I've been feeling incredibly bogged down in the minutia of my graduate student responsibilities.  I've found it difficult to focus on what I love about graduate school while peering through stacks of what's on my to do list as "everything that's not fun about grad school."

But, I did my best to push Negative Nancy aside and finished practicing my lecture just in time to head to class.  When I arrived it was clear the 50 undergraduates in my classroom all, like me, had cases of the Mondays.  As the lecture proceeded at least 2 students fell asleep. (And just to spoil the ending of this story, I don't end up as the hero this time.)  I had planned the last 15 minutes of my lecture to be a discussion about an article " From 'hearing loss to Deaf Gain?" which I had assigned. (Great article, find it here.)  The article is incredibly controversial, yet still accessible for undergrads...or so I thought.  When I assigned I knew it would be a ringer; students would have so much to say!  Debate would spark!  It would be amazing! But, like every teacher comes quickly to learn, students toss wrenches into even the best planned lectures.  After launching my first discussion question out to the class their silence made it crystal clear that nobody had done the reading.  So instead of the last 15 minutes of class being a provocative discussion, it was dullsville.  I left feeling defeated and ashamed of myself for not having been prepared for their lack of engagement.  

I threw myself a little pity party as I walked home from school (caveat: the professor I was teaching for observed me and assured me I did fine...but we're all our own worst critics, right?) After grabbing a quick bite to eat I headed to the after school program for d/Deaf and hard-of-hearing students which I've been volunteering at for the past two weeks now.  What's the first thing that happens?  I get into a van with a d/Deaf colleague of mine and as soon as he turns the van on the radio BLASTS a local country radio station.  My body jerks at the unexpected intensity of the sound coming from the speakers while the driver appears not to notice.  I smiled to myself at that moment, for the first time today, and we backed out of the garage on our way to pick up the kids from school.

Those kids with their smiles, laugher, and excited screams totally brightened my day... and hurt my ears a bit.  As I get to know them all better and better as the weeks pass I'm curious to know how my perceptions of the students and my fellow volunteers will change.

Here's all the text I was able to generate after my first experience with the kids last week:

"Today was my first day of volunteering at a local after-school program for d/Deaf and hard-of-hearing students here in Nashville.  I'm still finding it difficult to put into words my responses and reactions to my first day.  The experience left me with a flood of emotions, both positive and negative, ranging from pride for the community, to sadness and despair over the lack of encouragement and mediocre expectations these students are held to outside of the program in their academics, language acquisition, and behavior all because of their perceived deficit.

There is a tension I feel volunteering for a population/community that I do not see as vicitims, yet, they are often treated as victims and respond accordingly.  How do you volunteer for a community like this? Race and class inequalities intersect with the "disability" these children have in ways that are hard for me to manage conceptually, and emotionally.  How do I encourage pride in Deafness when these students are faced with some many disadvantages?"

Today as I was leaving the youth center I recounted my own 101 lecture, and re-centered normal in my analysis of the afternoon's events.  One student whose language acquisition I was so worried about last week showed me today that not only does he have strong language skills (with very beautiful sign formation), but I was also able to see his incredible wit and humor!  Another student who I suspected was struggling with academics explained parallel electrical circuits to me!  I realized that I have been so stuck in my own conceptions of the d/Deaf community, and Deaf education, and Deaf pride that I'd failed to see what was happening in front of me.

The kids, staff, and volunteers all reminded me today to not bring the gloom of my rainy days into the after school program (or my research sites more broadly speaking).  To leave my conceptions about normalcy behind, and to begin to see the community for what it truly is.  I've decided to stop wondering about the kid's academic programs, their access to speech therapy, their medical diagnoses, their relationships with audiologists, etc., and instead let them teach me a few things...even about parallel electrical circuits.

So today's anthem turned out not to be The Carpenter's "Rainy Days and Mondays", instead I'm humming "Top of the World," it's still a Carpenter's kind of day.

A reflection on the last 77 days

Now that I'm home and school has started I'm finding myself being asked the question: "How was DC?" from faculty and students all of whom look at me eagerly making me feel like the only appropriate response is to launch into a long list of my many accomplishments.  My standard hallway answer: "It was great!  I'm so excited to go back!"  The answer I say in my head: "I failed in DC."  The truth: I did nothing I expected to do, but work did happen, progress was made.  So for the sake of my own sanity, and to organize my thoughts for the second week of school I figured I'd launch into a long list of what I learned about myself and my work process while I was away...for better for for worse..

1. I am not now, nor will I likely ever be a "morning person," and that's okay
2. I do my best work in the company of strangers at Starbucks 
3. I think most creatively when I'm listening to music (the type of music varies day-by-day)
4. My sign skills are strong around new & intermediate signers
5. I am nearly lost among native & fluent users
6. I am a good lipreader and I rely on lipreading when communicating in sign
7. I need a fair amount of alone time to ward off depressive symptoms
8. I need checklists
9. I need deadlines
10. I drink coffee as a distraction (hmm #2???)
11. Sometimes saying goodbye to difficult people is the easiest thing to do
12. I am not an imaginative cook
13. I let my fears of being rejected stop me from introducing myself to new people/interviewees
14. Pitching my research to non-sociologists is harder than I imagined
15. Validation and/or criticism from others affects me a lot more than I thought
16. Despite criticisms, I now know that I picked the right dissertation topic...I love this

In the months ahead I will read for and write my second area exam on Embodiment and Disability, draft my dissertation proposal, and prepare for my first conference presentation on Deaf culture.  I'm making 3 new (school) year's resolutions that I hope will get me through the months ahead:

1. Blog more regularly
2. Read more across subfields in sociology to identify an avenue for the "So what?"
3. Be my own best cheerleader

Now that all these lists have been made, I'll make my way back to my To Do list...

Life is what happens to you when you are making other plans.

I feel like I just stretched my legs for the first time after the 10 hour drive from Nashville to DC.  I still haven't unloaded all the books I brought with me, the car still needs to be washed, and I have yet to conduct an official interview, surely I am not over half way done with my stay...

I sent my first update to my faculty advisers this afternoon.  I should have used this quote as the email subject line: "Life is what happens when you are making other plans."  This post is dedicated to all the life that's happened in between emails, classes, and pages of journal articles.

First things first: happy hours, day trips, and incessant laughter among friends.  I am so happy to be  doing my dissertation in a city with friends (both new and old).  After spending the day staring at computer screens in a cold library, or weeks on end wrapped in a blanket coughing on the couch (as has been my life for the last 3 weeks), seeing the smiling faces of these people brings me back to life again.  Sarah, Ashley, and I have all enjoyed a few libations and giggles at local pubs about town.  Here's a shot from my first reunion with the delightful Miss Sarah Glynn.

Adventures with these women have taken me around the District to a handful of happy hours, shopping trips, sweaty metro rides, a concert filled with shenanigans, and most recently to Old Town Alexandria in Virginia--perhaps the strangest outing yet.  (Let's just say that an elderly frog disguised as a belching woman on our trolley was the highlight of our journey into Alexandria.)    

Sometime between my first happy hour with the girls, and my most recent round of antibiotics for the cold that just won't go away, my aunt Pam, uncle Bruce, and cousin Rachel stopped through DC for a few days before Rachel headed back out on her world travels.  (Remind me to be Rachel in my next life: she's on her way back to Turkey to work for a few weeks before starting her next semester abroad in France.)  While they were in town we gorged ourself with food, danced along with the Wii video game, and extended our 4th of July celebrations with some sparklers.  

That same week Serena performed in her much anticipated Musical Theatre Camp's final production.  Lauri and I had spent the prior 2 weeks watching Serena's at-home rehearsals, with both of us spontaneously bursting out with "Let Me Entertain You" at the dinner table.  Needless to say, everyone was excited to see the full performance.  Serena's entourage included Lauri, Pam and myself (Bruce and Rachel were off to the airport by this point.)  The three of us stood in the back of the small performance space in Rockville, Maryland with 7 pieces of audio/visual equipment pridefully recording the budding Broadway star.

As a surprise, the kids signed the last verse of the final song: "Happiness" from the musical, You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown. Even though Lauri, Pam, and myself all knew this surprise was coming, the three of us sat in the back of the room with tears in our eyes as we watched Serena stand front and center leading her fellow campers in sign.  As the only Deaf child in her camp, she is so clearly proud

of who she is and of her language, it couldn't be any more beautiful.  

Below is a shot of Serena signing "HAPPY."  (The sequence of photographs I took during this final verse could easily be edited into a video in and of itself... I love the continuous capture setting on my camera.)

After coming back home and reviewing the video and still photographs from the day, Serena continued to make us all laugh with her constant song, dance, and gymnastic performances.  It's never dull when that girl is around...

 Sometimes I am asked to spot her.  Here's a rare shot of me helping without tickling her in the process. I told Serena that because she is an only child it is my responsibility to show her what it is like to have an annoying older sibling.  I've had enough first experience to know just the best ways to best annoy her...tickling.

It's amazing how a drink with friends, a shopping trip gone awry, fireworks with family, or a child's Broadway musical performance can make some of the recent criticism of my work easier to take.  I guess Serena's right: "A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down."  

Inspiration comes from the most unexpected places, and from people who have no idea that they are inspiring you.  Like this message my dad sent me recently....

And speaking of him...aren't my parents cute?  They've been enjoying their summer on a footloose and fancy free vacation up and down the California coast this summer.  

Amidst all of this life, I actually have made some progress on the dissertation.  Although at this point its hard to see just how much closer I've come to a specific research question, a dissertation proposal, or even a completed reading list, I do know that its been a good summer.  I'm enjoying letting life happen instead of focusing so much on the planning right now.

iPod Shuffle Commercial

I just read about this commercial which aired sometime prior to 2009.  No formulated thoughts just yet, but it's inspired me as my research has been getting shot down a lot lately.