Life is what happens to you when you are making other plans.

I feel like I just stretched my legs for the first time after the 10 hour drive from Nashville to DC.  I still haven't unloaded all the books I brought with me, the car still needs to be washed, and I have yet to conduct an official interview, surely I am not over half way done with my stay...

I sent my first update to my faculty advisers this afternoon.  I should have used this quote as the email subject line: "Life is what happens when you are making other plans."  This post is dedicated to all the life that's happened in between emails, classes, and pages of journal articles.

First things first: happy hours, day trips, and incessant laughter among friends.  I am so happy to be  doing my dissertation in a city with friends (both new and old).  After spending the day staring at computer screens in a cold library, or weeks on end wrapped in a blanket coughing on the couch (as has been my life for the last 3 weeks), seeing the smiling faces of these people brings me back to life again.  Sarah, Ashley, and I have all enjoyed a few libations and giggles at local pubs about town.  Here's a shot from my first reunion with the delightful Miss Sarah Glynn.

Adventures with these women have taken me around the District to a handful of happy hours, shopping trips, sweaty metro rides, a concert filled with shenanigans, and most recently to Old Town Alexandria in Virginia--perhaps the strangest outing yet.  (Let's just say that an elderly frog disguised as a belching woman on our trolley was the highlight of our journey into Alexandria.)    

Sometime between my first happy hour with the girls, and my most recent round of antibiotics for the cold that just won't go away, my aunt Pam, uncle Bruce, and cousin Rachel stopped through DC for a few days before Rachel headed back out on her world travels.  (Remind me to be Rachel in my next life: she's on her way back to Turkey to work for a few weeks before starting her next semester abroad in France.)  While they were in town we gorged ourself with food, danced along with the Wii video game, and extended our 4th of July celebrations with some sparklers.  

That same week Serena performed in her much anticipated Musical Theatre Camp's final production.  Lauri and I had spent the prior 2 weeks watching Serena's at-home rehearsals, with both of us spontaneously bursting out with "Let Me Entertain You" at the dinner table.  Needless to say, everyone was excited to see the full performance.  Serena's entourage included Lauri, Pam and myself (Bruce and Rachel were off to the airport by this point.)  The three of us stood in the back of the small performance space in Rockville, Maryland with 7 pieces of audio/visual equipment pridefully recording the budding Broadway star.

As a surprise, the kids signed the last verse of the final song: "Happiness" from the musical, You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown. Even though Lauri, Pam, and myself all knew this surprise was coming, the three of us sat in the back of the room with tears in our eyes as we watched Serena stand front and center leading her fellow campers in sign.  As the only Deaf child in her camp, she is so clearly proud

of who she is and of her language, it couldn't be any more beautiful.  

Below is a shot of Serena signing "HAPPY."  (The sequence of photographs I took during this final verse could easily be edited into a video in and of itself... I love the continuous capture setting on my camera.)

After coming back home and reviewing the video and still photographs from the day, Serena continued to make us all laugh with her constant song, dance, and gymnastic performances.  It's never dull when that girl is around...

 Sometimes I am asked to spot her.  Here's a rare shot of me helping without tickling her in the process. I told Serena that because she is an only child it is my responsibility to show her what it is like to have an annoying older sibling.  I've had enough first experience to know just the best ways to best annoy her...tickling.

It's amazing how a drink with friends, a shopping trip gone awry, fireworks with family, or a child's Broadway musical performance can make some of the recent criticism of my work easier to take.  I guess Serena's right: "A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down."  

Inspiration comes from the most unexpected places, and from people who have no idea that they are inspiring you.  Like this message my dad sent me recently....

And speaking of him...aren't my parents cute?  They've been enjoying their summer on a footloose and fancy free vacation up and down the California coast this summer.  

Amidst all of this life, I actually have made some progress on the dissertation.  Although at this point its hard to see just how much closer I've come to a specific research question, a dissertation proposal, or even a completed reading list, I do know that its been a good summer.  I'm enjoying letting life happen instead of focusing so much on the planning right now.

iPod Shuffle Commercial

I just read about this commercial which aired sometime prior to 2009.  No formulated thoughts just yet, but it's inspired me as my research has been getting shot down a lot lately. 

Deaf poetry and other interesting tid bits

Following the lead of a fellow graduate student, I have decided to collect poetry, photographs, films, and any other kind of art that I can get my hands on produced by people in the Deaf community.  Recently I purchased an anthology of Deaf American Poetry (2009) edited by John Lee Clark.  I was surprised and excited to see just how much of the included poems, quotes, and discussions are about music.  Here's a teaser.

"Heard melodies are sweet, but those unheard are sweeter." --John Keats (1795-1821)

Thoughts on Music

Mary Toles Peet (1836-1901)

They tell me oft of the witching song
     That thrills the listener's heart,
And of the soft melody
     Breathed forth with music's art:
They tell me, too, of the joyous strain,
    Which bursts with magic power,
From the heart where love and hope have laid
     Their brightly woven dower.

And then they tell of the sounds which come
     Afar from the sea's deep caves,
Of the voice of the wind which sighs among
     Old Ocean's towering waves;
And the wild, deep music, which comes up
     From the breakers' dashing roar
And the storm cloud's voice, when, as in wrath,
     His torrents madly pour.

And they tell me, too, of the wild bird's song
     Afar in the green woods dim,
And of the lark's glad trill, which seems
    Of praise and heartfelt hymn,
And that the feathered sprites at which
    I sit and gaze each day,
Send forth to the still heavens, as well,
     Their soft, melodious lay.

And then they tell of the sounds which come
    From the battlefield afar,
Of the thrilling peal of the "trump and drum,"
     And the martial strains of war;
Then turn from these to tell sweet tales,
     Of the evening zephyr's notes,
And all the varied melody
     Which round them ever floats.

Then I gaze into their faces, and see
     The smile no longer there,
And they grieve that never unto me
     May float, on the stilly air,
One sounds of this glorious minstrelsy,
     One echo of the voice
Which swells through Nature's thousand tones,
     Making all earth rejoice.

Yet deem not, since I am debarred
     From all the melodies of sound,
Earth has no music for my heart,
     Nor that my soul is bound
By the dull seal which has been place
     Upon my outer sense,
For the music of my inward ear
    Brings joy far more intense.

"Its not just music" and other emotions

So many changes, so many events, so much to catch up on.   In American Sign Language (ASL) facial expressions are extremely important.  The meaning of a sentence can change drastically depending on what you do with your eyes, eyebrows, mouth, checks, chin, etc. For example, using the same signs in the same order I can say "You are really old!" or "What's your age?"  The intended meanings are conveyed using facial  expressions (eyebrows up for the question, eyebrows down and mouth open in "O" shape for the former).  These facial expressions are also invaluable when describing the magnitude of an event.  I wish I could use ASL here, because I would say: "A lot has changed ('CHA')!" I can't really explain what all the  'CHA' expression means in English, but just know that the words "a lot" don't even come close to explaining the proper magnitude.  So here's my recent journey from careless and depressed to inspired and active, described as best I can for you using the limits of the written English language.

My first several days in the DC are were in spent the dark, cool basement of my aunt Lauri's townhouse in Silver Spring, Maryland.  It was 100+ degrees outside and I was exhausted from all the traveling I'd done in the weeks prior to the move.  I'd been in California, Nashville, Atlanta, back to Nashville, and then onto DC  all in a matter of 8 days.  My aunt and cousin (Serena) have been kind and generous hosts, but it was inevitable that I was going to feel a little uncomfortable in a new house, in a new city, around extended family members that I don't know all that well, after living alone for the last 6 years of my life.  (I won't even add to that what it was like to make the transition from living alone to to living with a 9 year old Deaf child who has more energy than anyone I've ever met... you can imagine that for yourself.) After a brief battle with the flu, some paralyzing anxiety about my upcoming ASL classes, a handful of nightmares, and Serena's critiques of my signing ability, I finally made a tearful phone call to my mother.  I was emotionally exhausted, and had lost all motivation and confidence to do this research.  (Tip: Never be too old to call  your mommy during a crisis.)  I told my mom that in my dream life I'm a trophy wife, and since that doesn't require a PhD I would just rather drop out of grad school, not do this research, never improve my sign skills, and move back to Nashville where I'd surely find some (likely old) rich country singer/doctor/lawyer/whatever to marry me and give me all his money. After I finished with my jokes, the real anxiety, sadness, and listlessness spewed out of me.  Mom patiently listened, and while she agreed that the trophy wife deal is probably the best idea I've had, she suggested that most researchers probably feel overwhelmed and lose confidence when they arrive in the field.  After crying out my frustrations, she helped me decide that I should just give it time and continue with my plans (keeping my eyes open for the right Mr. Rich while I'm at it).

In the next few days I made phone calls and had dinner dates with dissertating Vanderbilt grad students who confirmed my mom's suspicions that many people lose confidence and desire to conduct their research after arriving in the field, but that given time, confidence returns.  As per usual, I learned a lot from those conversations with my incredible friends.  I learned that whatever I'm feeling there's a movie or a song that explains the emotion perfectly.  I learned that laughter can always dry my tears.  And I was also reminded that a dissertation is nothing more than one component of a job application.  I decided to laugh away my fears and keep a broad view on what matters most in research, and in life.

With a new mindset (there is a sign for this concept that is so beautiful and descriptive its making me think that I should do a VLOG--video blog--instead of this blog) I signed up for the Gallaudet campus tour and bought my books for ASL class.   That evening after my tour Lauri and I were chatting on the couch when Serena walked over to her karaoke machine and plugged in her iTouch (around the whole house I see lots of evidence of music: the karaoke machine, large speakers, a toy keyboard,a  recorder, and CD's of music from Serena's favorite Broadway shows are all within eyeshot of the living room).  Serena pressed play on her iTouch and Katy Perry’s “Firework” began to blast loudly from the tall speakers in the living room. Then, without any prompting, she began to sign the lyrics.  I quickly picked up my iPhone and frantically searched for the video function.  I was able to record most of the song.  (Video below.)  It seemed pretty clear to me that Serena had done this ASL version of Katy Perry’s song before (perhaps for a school performance).  She remembered most of the signs, and only got lost a few times.

The beauty of the performance, its impromptu nature, the significance of the lyrics, and the fact that I had been feeling guilty for not working earlier in the day all came together for me and brought tears to my eyes.   Serena was beautiful.  The signs were beautiful.  The song's message:  be yourself, love yourself, and burst into the world with full force.  I'm sure Serena’s innoncence as a child would have been enough to bring me to tears, but the everything together was even more special for me.  I was reminded then and there why I want to do this project on music and Deaf culture.  Music is an incredibly powerful commodity for individuals, and I am certain its power is not limited to the ears of hearing individuals.  

It seems like fate that Serena was there to remind me of why I feel so passionate about this research and why I should continue it even through the valleys of lost confidence and depression.  After all, she is the one that started me on this path with her statement: "When I'm with Deaf people, I'm Deaf.  When I'm with hearing people, I'm hard of hearing.  When I listen to music, I'm hearing."

************

So, that was a lovely fairytale story with the a setting, characters, climax, and a tightly wrapped ending.  But we all know that reality isn't as neatly organized.  I've been thinking a lot about Serena's performance. My first reaction to its beauty is probably the typical hearing person's reaction: "Oh what a cute little deaf girl signing along with Katy Perry."  I know that culturally Deaf people's reactions to interpreting music would not exactly be favorable.  In fact, this kind of music appreciation has been looked down upon by many Deaf people as labeled "derogatory" to Deaf culture.  Serena's performance can be understood as a standard "hearing" way to consume music because its nothing more than a lose English translation.  Its been suggested that music does have a role in Deaf culture that is not just translation, and I see many examples of that around me (e.g., Signmark--video below).  But what is that role?  How does music function in the Deaf community?  What are the differences and similarities for deaf/hearing consumers of music?  Curious?  So am I.  I'll write a dissertation on that and keep you posted.  ;-)